You've read my previous blog on self-doubt and worked through the strategies I suggested. But the doubts are still there. They seem deeply rooted and unlikely to budge.
Here is a process I take people through in therapy. It's pretty involved, but it will feel like a deep
clean once you've worked through it.
Set aside an hour in your day, find a time you won't be disturbed, somewhere you feel comfortable. Get some
paper and a pen, and if you have them, some coloured pencils.
Self-doubt deep clean
Step 1. Reflect on your life. Try to recall when this self-doubt set in. What was happening at the time? Was something said to you, done to you, did you witness something? Take some time with this and write it
down.
Step 2. Do you remember what you believed about life before this happened? What you believed about yourself? Write these down (e.g.'s The world is a safe, predictable place; I have good knowledge to base
decisions on; I've done this before so I know what to expect; I know this person so I can work it out).
Step 3. Do the same for how your belief's changed after the event. (e.g. I'm not good enough; The world is unsafe, unpredictable; Bad things happen to good people; I can't trust myself or others)
Step 4. Start thinking about the recent situations whereyou were doubting yourself. Do you notice any of the beliefs from Step 3? What thoughts or beliefs are providing the strongest fuel to your self-doubt? (e.g.
I'll fail; I'll get rejected; They'll get angry). Write these down.
Step 5. Now notice the various feelings swirling around your body. E.g. Fear; Worry; Embarrassment; Guilt; Shame; Tension; Sadness; Apprehension; Anxiety.
Step 6. Zone in on the feeling/s. Where is it in yourbody? How big is it? How strong is it? Is it hot or cold? Pulsating or still? What colour is it? What are its edges like - sharp, dull, jagged, smooth, diffuse? Imagine it in your mind's eye, or if you're up for it, try drawing the feeling on paper - take your time doing this, until it feels like you've captured it.
Step 7. Sit with the feeling, look at the feeling. Breathe. What is it saying to you? What do you want to say to it? Converse with it.
Step 8. What do you want to do to the image of the feeling? Connect with that, and then do it. If it is in your mind's eye, imagine doing it. If it is on paper, do it to the paper. E.g. scratch it out, tear it up, cover it in black, scrunch it up, yell at it, console it, add to it in some way so that it doesn't feel as intensely bad as before, continue to do stuff to it until you feel the knot inside you release.
Step 9. Welcome back to you. Breathe. Settle into your body. Now, what decision was it you were wanting to make? Let everything else go and connect with your intuition - what feels right? you will feel your body
relax. You got it? Write it down.
Step 10. If it concerns another person, talk with them about your choice. How can you make this happen together? If just the thought of this is bringing the tension back to your body, work through the above again
starting at Step 4. You might want to read my blog, Why being assertive makes you anxious.
Self-doubt is incredibly sticky. If you've managed to flush it out of your system for one situation, it will no
doubt be there again the next time you have to make one.
Take courage - each time you practice recognizing the beliefs and emotions holding you back, processing
these, and reconnecting with your intuition, you are fighting against self-doubt and moving back towards self-confidence.
It will take time, but I believe in you!
If coming into your body feels too strong/overwhelming/frightening, then I have another practice you can try at home. You can email me at anna@annawpsychology.com (or subscribe below) to receive a copy (free atm), no strings attached. I would appreciate any feedback you can offer.
written by Anna Wiederroth,Clinical Psychologist