We spend the first half of our life learning how to be adaptive members of our society and family. This involves taking in many rules, messages and belief systems, and learning how to live by them. They allow us to function and contribute as a member of society. The downside is, that in the western world this involves learning to be disconnected from your emotions and to lead with the intellectual, rational mind. And that leads to trouble, both psychologically (e.g. stress, mental health symptoms) and physically (e.g. ailments and disease). Reconnecting with your emotions (a key part of therapy) also connects you to your body, to your wishes, desires and needs. And you may come to find that these differ from what society expects of you. This places you in a different conundrum - are you up for truly individuating from your family and society?
As you start to chart your own course in your life, you might start to bump up against rules and expectations which you are no longer following. As the people around you express their dislike of this, it brings with it a different sort of stress and uncertainty. Do you stay true to the path that feels authentic to you, or do you return to the comfort of society and family?
We all end up facing this choice, although sometimes we don't realise it. You'll likely face it over and over again, potentially many times in your life. The good news is that you don't have to do it all at once. You can gradually connect with your thoughts and feelings, differentiating your own from those you have grown up with, and start to make choices from here. Growth from this point is natural. As your awarenss increases, your perspective shifts and your vision slowly clears. You start to see more of life, and more of yourself. It's a journey that you can continue for as long as you want, or exit whenever you like. It's your life, after all.
In Psychology, this process is broadly understood as 'Individuation'. Will you stay part of your tribe, or will you step out on your own and explore the world beyond your tribe?
Happy travels,
Anna
Written by Anna Wiederroth, Clinical Psychologist (Individual and Couple Therapist)